This week I put down my phone and laptop and joined a meditation retreat for five days. Online, as the current circumstances require. The days consisted of several sessions of meditation, meditation talks and movement practise (Qi-Gong this time, which I found really lovely). As a teacher who commits to follow the standards of good practice for mindfulness teachers in the UK, I am expected to join a retreat at least once a year to deepen my practice and stay connected with what I teach. Of course, this is not some unpleasant duty to tick a box; it's an enriching and essential element for me to maintain inner resources, and feel able to share my learnings with others.
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On the third day of the retreat, I joined a breakout room session. And someone said something in the room that touched me. It was something quite ordinary and familiar experience for all of us, but I guess in its sincerity it hit the chord. I suddenly noticed tears rolling down my cheeks—they just kind of rolled down without any effort. Something had started moving. There had been lots of heaviness around my chest the first two days, that I hadn't been able to address, even when I tried. After the breakout session, we sat 30 minutes in silent meditation, and I took my focus on what was surfacing. I felt tension melting from the chest, releasing space and softening. There was still tightness around collar bones, but I left it to be. Not intending to change what was not ready for a change. Breathing became a bit softer like the air could flow to the lungs with more ease.
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Why I want to share this, is that sometimes it can feel like there's something there that is tender and difficult, but impossible to put into words. Trying harder will likely make you tighten around it more. For me, in this case, it took three days to settle into a state where I could allow space for the tension to untangle. To find more ease does not need for you to go on a retreat though. There may be something in your life that you enjoy, something that you find restful, comfortable to be with and where you feel more yourself. It may be around a pet or another human or just the enjoyment of your own company. Nature is a great healer. Sometimes something that you see, hear or read triggers a change. No matter which ‘door’ you use to encourage healing, the common factor seems to be to give enough time, so that a shift of the heart and mind-state becomes possible. Rushing won’t do good, and actually often there is work underneath the surface that we may not be conscious about. When you feel something touching you, let yourself dwell in it that moment. Don't move too quickly. There may be something to learn.
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Do things that bring you joy was one of the key reflections for me this week. I'm going to put this again as my guiding light. To me it means a range of things; sometimes setting boundaries, sometimes putting the energy to the right places, sometimes asking myself what I enjoy the most. It means all aspects of life, and it most definitely means the practice of mindfulness. I feel more confident again that life should not be guided by what might be expected of us, but what brings us meaning. And if we have 'lost' our way we can always guide ourselves back, at any point. It does not have to perfect, and of course yes, there are things we just need to do and sort out. But I speak more generally about life's direction, and how to use time. What brings you joy? Maybe it’s just asking this question once in a while, when you are at crossroads, but equally the moments in your daily life.